


Incorrect Supernatural Quotes

by Rose05



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Funny, Incorrect Quotes, Multi, Random & Short, that's all it is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-15
Updated: 2020-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:27:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 3,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24199717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rose05/pseuds/Rose05
Summary: Basically just Incorrect Supernatural Quotes because why not. Romantic ships - Destiel, Sabriel, Jo/Charlie.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Charlie Bradbury/Jo Harvelle, Gabriel/Sam Winchester
Comments: 8
Kudos: 118





	1. Part I

**Author's Note:**

> I don't take credit for any of the sentences and these have come from my Instagram - @moose_squirrel_wings_

Lucifer: The glass is half-empty  
Michael: I think the glass is half-full  
Lucifer: I think you're full of shit

Gabe: My boyfriend is too tall for me to kiss him. What should I do?  
Crowley: Punch him in the stomach. Then, when he doubles over in pain, kiss him  
Cas: Tackle him  
Dean: Dump him  
Rowena: Kick him in the shin  
Sam: NO TO ALL OF THOSE, JUST ASK ME TO LEAN DOWN!

Gabe: What if I put coffee in my cereal instead of milk?  
Sam: *Taking away the coffee pot* What if you don't?

Cas: *Banging on the door* Dean, open up!  
Dean: Well, it all started when I was a kid...  
Jack: No, I think he meant-  
Sam: Let him finish

Dean: Alright so you and I are married  
Cas: We are not married  
Dean: Relax, it's just pretend  
Cas: I don't wanna pretend  
Dean: Scared you'll like it?  
Cas: Okay, if we are married, I want a divorce  
Jack: Are they like this all the time?  
Sam: Yes, they are

Cas: Treat spiders the way you want to be treated  
Dean: Killed without hesitation 

Jack: How do Sam and Dean usually get out of these messes?  
Cas: They don't. They just make a bigger mess that cancels put the first

Crowley: Shut up!  
Sam: I didn't say anyth-  
Crowley: You were thinking and it's annoying

Gabe: Why did the chicken cross the road?  
Dean: Why?  
Gabe: To get to the idiot's house  
Gabe: Knock, knock  
Dean: Who's there?  
Gabe: The chicken  
Dean: Listen here you little fucker-


	2. Part II

Sam: I have no fears  
Cas: What if one day you wake up and Gabe is taller than you  
Sam: I have one fear

Sam: You're so petty  
Gabe: I think you mispronounced pretty

Gabe: Hey, if you put 'violently' before anything to describe your action, it becomes funnier  
Sam: Violently studies  
Dean: Violently loves car  
Cas: Violently worries about previous comments

Dean: *Casually sits at the table by Sam*  
Sam:... Yes?  
Dean: How many people do you have to kill for it be illegal?  
Sam: ONE. JUST ONE  
Dean:  
Dean: Are you sure?

Gabe: What did I do to deserve this? I'm a good person  
Dean: You once crashed Baby because I made fun of your height  
Gabe: I'm mostly a good person

Dean: We'll need a distraction. Something loud and annoying  
Cas: *Looking at Gabe* Your time has come

Sam: If you took a shot for every time you made a bad decision, how drunk would you be?  
Rowena: Maybe a bit tipsy  
Cas: Drunk  
Gabe: Wasted  
Dean: Dead

Gabe: Don't hate me because I'm beautiful  
Sam: I pity you because your dumb

Gabe: Do you think I could fit 15 marshmallows into my mouth?  
Sam: You're a hazard to society  
Dean: And a coward, do 20


	3. Part III

Gabe: When you've been around Dean as long as I have, you develop a thick skin  
Dean: *Walking past* Navy blue is NOT your colour  
Gabe: *Running after him* NAVY BLUE BRINGS OUT MY EYES, YOU PRICK!

Sam: I have the sharpest memory. Name one time I forgot something  
Gabe: You left me in a Walmart car park, like three days ago!  
Sam: That was on purpose, try again

Demons: We've kidnapped your boyfriend  
Dean: You kidnapped Cas?! As in Castiel the angel?  
Demons: Yeah?  
Dean: Good luck with that

Dean: I want my coffee as black as my soul  
Cas: So milk then?  
Dean: I hate you  
Cas: You love me

Jo: I don't do 'love'. Love is for fools  
Charlie: Hey there  
Jo:  
Jo: Fuck!

Donna: *Bursting through the door* It's Christmas tomorrow!  
Jody: Ugh, Halloween was yesterday  
Donna: Ho, ho, ho  
Jody: Ho, ho, no

Claire: *Crying*  
Alex: *Comforting her, but then pauses* I'm sorry that happened, but where did you get your eyeliner from is not smudging or anything?  
Clair: *Sniffling* It's sharpie

Lucifer: *Walking into Heaven* Hey guys!  
Angels:  
Lucifer:  
Lucifer: Everyone's bones are wet  
Michael: *Visibly cringing* Why would you say that?  
Lucifer: Nobody said hi back

Lucifer: I could kill you right now  
Cas: So could Dean  
Cas: So could anyone else in this room  
Cas: So could a cat  
Cas: So could a very determined duck  
Cas: You're not special Luce


	4. Part IV

Cas: What are you drinking?  
Dean: Tea  
Cas: What kind of tea?  
Dean: Tea...quila

Cas: Is there a word that's a mix between sad and angry?  
Sam: Malcontent, disgruntled, miserable  
Claire: Smad

Gabe: *Jumps on bed next to Sam*  
Gabe: Once again, fate has thrown us together  
Sam: Gabe, we've been married for 3 years; this is OUR bedroom

Cas: I can hold the whole world in my hands  
Dean: No you can't  
Cas: Yes I can  
Dean: Alright then, demonstrate  
Cas: *Cups Dean's face*  
Dean: *Blushing* Stop I have a reputation

Dean: *Stroking Cas' hair* You're adorable  
Cas: *Half asleep* I could smite your ass right now  
Dean: *Smiling* I know

Sam: You know I lost 2 pounds in one day  
Dean: Wow, what's your secret?  
Sam: I lost my soul  
Dean: *Choking* Sam no-!

Cas: I love murder mysteries  
Dean: *Trying to impress him* I've been the lead suspect of at least a dozen cases

Cas: Do you ever think-  
Gabe: *Instantly* No and you can't make me

Gabe: My mind is like an internet browser  
Sam:...Explain?  
Gabe: 15 tabs are open; 7 of them are frozen and I don't know where the music is coming from

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what's going on anymore, I've watched every episode of Agent Carter.


	5. Part V

Tarot Reader: Now I shall show you your fortune  
Dean: Cool, I guess?  
Tarot Reader: Why is every card death? What the fuck I don't even have this many death cards?  
Dean: Figures

Gabe: Do guys wanna see a butterfly?  
Sam: Please don't thr-  
Gabe: *Yeets butter across the room*

Sam: Where's Gabe, by the way?  
Dean: Somewhere disappointing his father

Cas: Shouldn't you be asleep?  
Dean: I'm supposed to be many things, I live to disappoint

Cas: Did you have to slap Luce?  
Gabe: You weren't there. You didn't hear what he said to me  
Cas: What did he say?  
Gabe: "What are you going to do slap me?"  
Cas:...That's fair

Sam: I'm going to take you out  
Gabe: Great it's a date  
Sam: That was a threat  
Gabe: See you at 6

Cas: Be careful  
Dean: Always am  
Cas: Respectfully disagree

Crowley: I have never considered you a rival  
Dean: I have never considered you at all  
Crowley: Now that's just hurtful

Gabe: *Slowly removes heart-shaped sunglasses* I beg your fucking pardon


	6. Part VI

In Heaven:  
Michael: I swear, do any of you actually listen to me?  
Lucifer: *Enthusiastically raising his head* Oh OH, I know this one! NO!

In Heaven:  
Gabe: *Gets mad and starts yelling*  
Lucifer: I didn't know so much rage could fit into such a small person

Gabe: I hate you with every inch of your body  
Dean: That's not a lot of inches 

Michael: I'm so useless  
Lucifer: No you're not  
Lucifer: You could be used as a bad example  
Michael: Now listen here you little-

Dean: There is no 'I' in team, but there is one in pie  
Sam: So you're not going to share?  
Dean: I'm not going to share

*Sounds of police sirens nearby*  
Kevin: *Who has never done anything wrong in his life* Oh no  
Kevin: They've found me

Flight Attendant: Before landing, please make sure that all small items are secure  
Sam: *Turns to Gabe*  
Gabe: *Softly* Don't  
Sam:  
Sam: *Buckles him in* Do you feel safe and secure, little one?  
Gabe: I could kill you

Dean: If life gives you lemons, don't squirt them in your eyes  
Dean: Personal experience

Charlie: *Internally* Don't let her know how awkward you are  
Jo: Nice weather  
Charlie: Thanks  
Charlie:...


	7. Part VII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These have all been originally said by James Acaster, who is a British comedian and absolutely hilarious. If anyone is bored you should watch some of his stuff.

Sam: Turns out of your crying on your own in a picture you put your head in, strangers will stop to take photos

Gabe: Every triangles a love triangle if you love triangles

Dean: Started making it  
Dean Had a mental breakdown  
Dean: Bon appetite

Dean: I love pain. I love painnnnnn

Balthazar: I bear a lot of grudges and I love French cuisine 

Gabe: Either I get the Spice Girls' debut album 'Spice'  
Gabe: Or I'm gonna die

Lucifer: In my opinion, you're never fully in love until one of you can turn to the other and go, "do wanna do a Loach Ness Monster hoax?"

Cas: Yeah I'm too good for a free banana, actually

Dean: Too much of a good thing the old death


	8. Part VIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These are also James Acaster quotes

Gabe: So I was sat there in the bush, wearing a red dress and eating a brioche 

Dean: I think I speak for all of us when I say  
Dean: The novelty has not worn off with curly fries

Sam: Not disappointed. Scared

Lucifer: I have never felt more connected to anyone before

Demon Dean @ a karaoke bar:  
Dean: They don't know talent when they see it

Like everyone: Everything's going to hell and I wish I was dead

Sam: I may or may not have had a mental breakdown  
Sam: But just because I had a breakdown, it doesn't mean I'm not right

Crowley; Never have I before been offended by something I 100% agree with

Cas: Gabriel once said, "Do you ever think about how your lip skin is different to the rest of your skin?"  
Cas: Now I can't stop thinking about it


	9. Part IX

Michael: I have edge  
Gabe: You're about as edgy as a satsuma 

Lucifer: So you can say 'have a nice day' and that's considered polite  
Lucifer: But you can't say 'enjoy the next 24 hours' without sounding extremely threatening

Gabe: I am the most responsible in this relationship  
Sam: You set the kitchen on fire  
Gabe: Yeah and I take responsibility for that

Gabe: I love you with all my ego  
Sam: Ego?  
Gabe: Yeah I'd say heart, but my ego's bigger

After a hunt:  
Dean: My head hurts  
Gabe: That's your brain trying to comprehend your own stupidity 

Dean: This morning my eyes started watering and they wouldn't stop  
Dean: So I went to the doctors because I thought it was allergies  
Dean: But plot twist, it was depression

Jody: Hey Claire, can I talk to you for a second?  
Claire: Ohhhh someone's in trouble  
Claire: It's me I don't know why I did that

Dean: Have I ever told you I love you with all my heart?  
Cas: For the last time it's 2am, we are not going to McDonalds  
Dean: *Snatching the duvet* Bitch

Gabe: Why are you lying on the floor?  
Dean: I have depression  
Dean: Also I got stabbed 6 times, so could you go get Sam and Cas?  
Gabe: What the-?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unfortunately, my school isn't going to go back before the Summer Holidays; which means I won't have been to school for 5 months and to be honest I kinda miss it, even maths.


	10. Part X

Dean: Shut up! I got this!  
Cas: No you don't

In Heaven:  
Lucifer: Sorry I'm late  
Michael: What happened?  
Lucifer: Nothing. I just really didn't want to come

Playing Scrabble:  
Dean: I will put down my 'A' to make 'A'  
Gabe: I will add to your 'A' to make 'AT'  
Cas: I will add to your 'AT' to make 'RAT'  
Sam: I will add to your 'RAT' to make 'BIOSTRATIGRAPHIC'   
Dean: *Flips the board*

Jack: Hey Dean?  
Dean: Yeah Kid?  
Jack: I made this friendship bracelet for you  
Dean: You know, I'm not really a jewellery person  
Jack: Oh. Well you don't have to wear it-  
Dean: No I'm going to wear it forever back off

Dean: I'm not drunk!  
Cas: Yes you are  
Dean: I AM NOT DRUNK  
Cas: Okay, can you tell the time?  
Dean: *Turns to the clock* I AM NOT DRUNK  
Cas:...

Dean: I DO WHAT I WANT  
Gabe: I call Sam and Cas  
Dean: Wait no-!

Sam: I've got a five year plan  
Dean: I've got the next 2 hours planned, and then there's some darkness... and possibly some dragons

Cas: So wait, when pies are involved you can suddenly do maths?  
Sam: Hold on, Dean what's 19,154 pies divided by 61 pies?  
Dean: 314 pies  
Cas: What if they were salads?  
Dean: Carry the 4 and-  
Dean: It doesn't work

Gabe: How do you politely tell someone you want to hit them in the face with a brick?  
Sam: One wishes to aquatint your facial features with fundamental item used in building walls, repeatedly  
Gabe: That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I enjoy procrastinating by doing this. Thanks for the kudos.


	11. Part XI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't updated in ages. I haven't been on my computer because it was technically half-term (even if we aren't at school) and then I trapped a nerve in my hand and now I've scrapped my skin on a fork.

Dean: Getting murdered in the woods wouldn't even be my least favourite part of camping

Gabriel: Come over  
Sam: I can't, my car only has three wheels  
Gabriel: What, do you have a tricycle?  
Sam: You're supposed to say 'but my parents aren't home'  
Gabriel: I was distracted by your tricycle  
Sam: Okay, start over  
Gabriel: Come over  
Sam: I can't, my car only has three wheels  
Gabriel: What colour is your tricycle?  
Sam: Fuck you

Pretending to be a doctor:  
Dean: So how many units would you say you drink a week?  
Patient: 4  
Dean: So I'll just put absolute lightweight

Dean: I've done a lot of dumb stuff  
Jack: I've witnessed the dumb stuff  
Gabriel: I've recorded the dumb stuff  
Sam: I joined you in on the dumb stuff  
Cas: I've tried to stop you from doing the dumb stuff

Dean: Rules are made to be broken  
Sam: Rules are made to be followed nothing is made to be broken  
Dean: Pinatas  
Gabriel: Glow sticks  
Dean: Karate boards  
Gabriel: Spaghetti when you have it a small pot  
Dean: Rules 

Rowena: *To anyone* No no, I am listening. It just takes me a minute to process this much stupid

Gabriel: *Screaming* I FIXED IT!  
Sam: What did you fix?  
Gabriel: Everything  
*Explosion in the background*  
Gabriel:... Except that

Dean: *Does something heroic*  
People: *Cheer*  
Dean: *Points gun at them* GET BACK YOU SAVAGES  
Sam: Sorry he's not used to positive feedback

Charlie:* Jokingly* And remember you're not allowed to fall in love with me  
Jo: Won't be a problem  
Jo: *Two days later, in the middle of the night* THERE'S A PROBLEM-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if some of these are the same, I can't focus very well right now.


	12. Part XII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of these are James Acaster quotes, some are Russell Howard quotes and some are just whatever.

Dean: What if every relationship you've ever been in is just somebody slowly figuring out that they didn't like you as much as they hoped they would?

Gabriel:There are 4 things you can be in life: sober, tipsy, drunk and hungover  
Gabriel: Tipsy is the only one out of the 4 where you don't cry during it

Sam: The only reason I can give them relationship advice is because I've been in so many bad ones

Gabriel: What's the opposite of opposite, consider yourself bamboozled

Sam: So we're going onto Plan B?  
Castiel: Technically, we're on Plan G  
Sam: How many plans do we have? Is there like a Plan M?  
Castiel: Yeah, but Dean dies in Plan M  
Gabriel: I like Plan M

Sam: What happened?  
Gabriel: Alright, but you can't get mad  
Sam: What happened?  
Gabriel: I was minding my own business  
Sam: Liar

Castiel: Dean, get that hideous thing out of the Bunker  
Dean: Gabe! Cas wants you out of the Bunker

Dean: I've slept for 12 hours but I might still be tired so I'm going to sleep for another 12 hours  
Sam: Dean, that's a coma   
Dean: Sounds festive

Dean: What took you so long?  
Castiel: Sorry, I met a cat  
Dean: YOU'VE BEEN GONE FOR 2 HOURS  
Castiel: IT WAS A CUTE CAT OKAY


	13. Part XIII

Castiel: Why would you give a child a knife?  
Dean: Claire felt unsafe   
Castiel: Well now I feel unsafe   
Dean: I'm sorry  
Dean: ... Would you like a knife?

Gabriel: Beauty is in the eye of whoever is looking at me

Charlie: Did it hurt?  
Jo: Let me guess, when I fell from heaven?  
Charlie: No, when you fell from the vending machine   
Jo: ...  
Charlie: Because you're a snack

Dean: Since it's impossible to tell which part of my life is the middle  
Dean: I've decided to have an ongoing crisis

Dean: *About Sam* So he likes mysterious guys  
Gabriel: Okay   
*Later*  
Sam: Where are you going?  
Gabriel: IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!

Dean: Benefits of dating me?  
Dean: You'll be dating me. I could go in but I've made my point

Gabriel: *To Sam* Listen, I'm not going to stand here and listen to you accuse me of stuff that I clearly did 

*On a hunt*  
Sam: Hey, is Cas alright?   
Dean: Yeah we're having fun aren't we?  
Castiel: I have never been more stressed out in my life

Gabriel: Don't correct me  
Castiel: Don't be wrong


	14. Part XIV

*Playing any game*  
Dean: I'm just saying, next time I'm going to win  
Sam: I beat you twice  
Dean: The first time was a tie  
Sam: And the second time?  
Dean: ... There were no witnesses the second time

Gabriel: Hi welcome to Applebees, would you like the apples or the bees?  
Chuck: B-bees?  
Gabriel: HE HAS SELECTED THE BEES  
Chuck: W-wait-  
Castiel: *Walks in shaking a jar of bees*  
Chuck: WAIT-

Gabriel: It's really muggy outside today  
Sam: If I go outside and all our mugs are in the garden, I will break up with you  
Gabriel: *Sips coffee from a mug*

Dean: Let me see what you have  
Jack: A knife!  
Dean: Okay, have fu-  
Castiel: NO!

Castiel: Hello Jack and people who do not live here  
Jack: Hello  
Claire: Hi  
Kaia: Hey  
Alex: Hiya  
Castiel: I gave you a key for emergencies!  
Jack: We were out of Doritos

Jack: Can I have some candy Gabriel?  
Gabriel: What did Sam say?  
Jack: He said no  
Gabriel: Then why should I let you?  
Jack: Because he's not the boss of you  
Gabriel: *Internally* It's a trap, it's a trap, it's a trap

Dean: I got arrested last night for being too attractive  
Gabriel: The charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence

Castiel: Jack, what are you doing?  
Jack: *Awake at 4am, sitting in front of the fridge, eating ice cream with a fork* My best

Dean: Nothing in life is free  
Sam: Knowledge is free  
Jack: Friendship is free  
Castiel: Love is free  
Gabriel: Anything in life is free if you run quick enough

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the nice comments, I didn't realise that these would make people happy. I finally finished the shit load of health and social work I had, my arms hurt, I didn't sleep and my panic attacks are becoming more constant but apart from that its been alright in lockdown.


	15. Part 15

Rowena: You know, looking back I have no regrets   
Sam: You should  
Rowena: Probably 

Rowena: The quickest way to a man’s heart is through his fourth and fifth rib 

Adam: I don’t have enough energy for this  
Michael: For what?  
Adam: *Gestures vaguely*

Charlie: Ooooh Babe, you had a crush on me. That’s embarrassing   
Jo: We’re married  
Charlie: Still

Bobby: I love these kids. I’m so proud of them  
Jack: *Explodes the bathroom*  
Dean and Gabriel: *Screaming at each other*  
Castiel: *Accidentally burns the wardrobe*  
Charlie: *Breaks the tv*  
Crowley: *Eats instead of helping*  
Bobby: My amazing kids

Sam: *Pointing at his shirt* What colour do you think this is?  
Dean: Grey  
Sam: Now tell them what colour you think it is?  
Gabriel: Dark white 

Castiel: I’ve explained to you what we’re going to do for the 5th time, do you understand?  
Gabriel: Yes  
Castiel: Are you lying to me?  
Gabriel: Yes

Dean: *Looses Gabriel in a crowd*  
Dean: Finally 

Sam: You need to react when people cry  
Rowena: I did I rolled my eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I’ve been gone for so long, I went on a small holiday and had minor operation on my toe.


End file.
